Britain Berrated By Coniving Conmen!

Hello, and welcome to the Fifteen o'Clock News. I'm your host, Broccoli Stalk, and this is a special report on a new hoax that is currently taking England by storm. Noel Edmonds reports.

That's right, Brock. I'm now standing in the deserted town of Chadlington, and looking around me, it's hard to imagine that this barren ghost-town was home to a thriving community only weeks ago. Yes, this town is but the latest victim of a new scam that is sweeping the country: birthdays. Many people – especially children under the age of 18 – are using a specific day every year as a sort of "religious holiday," during which they encourage hapless colleagues and family members to give them free gifts and money. And new evidence suggests that the day varies from child to child, so you can never know when they might strike. A local spokesperson gave this speech earlier today:

"Every year thousands of parents are reduced to poverty, having spent all their money on the latest 'G-BOX' or 'HB TV' for their children. Children who claim that people should give them things because it's their 'birthday.' Do not be taken in! These people can't remember the day they were born any more than you can, and are either lying or dead. Either way, they don't deserve your money. Studies show that many of these people are far too old to have been born just recently (or some time in the future) anyway! We urge you to report anyone claiming to be celebrating a 'birthday' to your local police force posthaste!"

Fighting words. But many people are currently thinking, "Yes, okay, birthdays are bad, but how can they possibly affect me as a person?" We spoke to Cath Ee to find out:

"He seemed such a nice young boy, so when his mother mentioned it was his birthday, I gladly gave her 5 to give to him. Next thing I know, he's on The Lives of The Rich and Famous, and what do I get for it? Goodwill, that's what! Goodwill and Rheumatism!"

This is Noel Edmonds, BBB News.

Thank you, Noel. Now, to truly access the danger, we decided to do our own experiment. In the test, Investigative Reporter Chloe Guy held one of these 'Birthdays.' She made fifty pounds! Yes, fifty! You could buy a whole house with that! Or at least a really cool elephant!

So the danger is very real. But what can be done about it? We let you decide:

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